Parent-Child Secure Attachment and Play

Psychologist Elif Ecem Nalcı, October 22, 2021

The concept of attachment, which we have heard frequently recently, is the concept of attachment between the caregiver and the baby, which starts from the first days and continues to grow. It is a research-based theory that continues to take shape afterward, affects the baby's close relationships in the future, and is based on research. How does attachment occur? How does secure attachment occur? What is the structure for secure attachment? can? Making contact, understanding the baby's needs, giving timely and consistent answers, and making them feel love are among the things that can be done.

Short from birth The attachment process, which starts after a while, is a relationship established between the caregiver and the baby when the baby seeks a safe harbor and skin contact, and wants to meet his biological needs. Behaviors such as sucking, breast-seeking, cheek-to-cheek contact are examples of the desire to bond. If the caregiver observes the baby well, becomes aware of his needs and can meet these demands in a timely manner, the baby will be peaceful and comfortable. In this way, bonding will begin.

As the baby grows, he will realize that he has a separate self from everyone else in the 5th - 6th months, and in this dissociation process The person to whom it is connected will also be aware of it. He will want the attachment figure with him, will start to worry when he is separated from him, and will be restless if he is not with him as he explores. These are normal reactions and are indicative of secure attachment. The caregiver's role here is to allay anxiety, reassure her.

Supporting the child emotionally, making him feel that he will be there for him and trying to understand him are among the things that can be done for secure attachment.

The important point here is that the support is uninterrupted and not confusing. It is necessary to consistently show the baby that there is a place to take shelter when he is worried, angry or upset. It is important for a secure attachment that the baby can calm down and calm down when he reconnects with that person after separation from the person with whom he or she has bonded. Even if the person with whom he is securely attached is not around, the baby will feel the confidence he has given and will start to explore the environment comfortably.

The bond established with the baby will affect his future relationships emotionally. development and in terms of regulating stress. In addition, it can affect the reactions to be given in the problems experienced and the ability to control oneself. Therefore, it is very important to establish a secure connection.

  • Supporting and soothing our child when he is worried,

  • To provide confidence for our child to explore the environment easily,

  • To provide confidence for our child to explore the environment easily,

Games that can help connect

Sound dithering: The simplest of the games that support bonding between parent and baby is imitating the sound the baby makes. Imitating your voice makes baby feel heard and starts dialogue.

Ce-e!: Maybe it's the game we play with babies the most Ce-e! The most important feature of the Ce-e game is that it gives the baby the message “my mom/dad disappeared but came. Especially during periods of separation anxiety, this game supports the establishment of a secure bond between the child and the parent.

Hide and Seek: Another game that processes the ” message when you get lost to the child, like the Ce-e game. is hide and seek. In a game of hide and seek, the child usually hides, while the adult acts as if he can't find it despite all his efforts. The key here is to balance the search time, to find the child before it shows up thinking it can't be found.

Skin-themed games: All skin-themed games are between the caregiver and the child strengthens the bond with the reflection of contact and mimics.

This type of games played by respecting the boundaries set by the child strengthens the bond between you. Many games such as painting each other's faces, touching their hands and feet, holding hands in a circle, carrying him on your back like a horse are examples of such games.

Many games such as painting each other's faces, touching hands and feet, holding hands in a circle, carrying him on your back like a horse can be given as examples of such games.

`< In b>Squirt Boatman, this game is one of the most beautiful games where you can experience the skin theme, since you will be hand in hand and eye to eye with the baby and your facial expressions will reflect each other.`

``In short, in order to develop a secure bond with children, the top priority is to understand their needs well and respond to them with compassion. Similarly, the message we want to convey through the games is “I will always be with you, here.” should be. As a parent or caregiver, being aware of your own needs and showing compassion to yourself is perhaps the first step to develop a secure bond with your baby. Then, as long as you lovingly meet the baby's needs, you also lay the foundations for secure attachment.`

It is very important for babies to feel the attachment figures next to them while falling asleep, for them to develop a healthy sleep habit. Developed by experts with this perspective, the Tolkido Smart Sleep Friend starter kit allows children to fall asleep safely even when their parents are not present.

`Kesebir S. , Kavzoğlu S. Ö. , Üstündağ M. F. Attachment and Psychopathology. pg. 2011; 3(2): 321-342.`

National Collaborating Center for Mental Health (UK). Children's Attachment: Attachment in Children and Young People Who Are Adopted from Care, in Care or at High Risk of Going into Care. London: National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (UK); 2015 Nov. (NICE Guideline, No. 26.) 2, Introduction to children's attachment. Available from:

Soysal, A. Ş., Bodur, Ş., İşeri, E., & Şenol, S. (2005). An Overview of Attachment Process in Infancy [Attachment Process in Infancy: A Review]. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry: The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 8(2), 88–99.

Elif Ecem Nalcı